Compromise Of Love? 10 Signs of a Lavender Marriage

Have you heard about the term “Lavender marriage“? This is no romantic getaway to a lavender field, it’s not even an event or a day to celebrate. Lavender marriage is an entirely unique and fascinating concept that is new to the world though it’s existed in society since ages but without a label. In this article I will explain to you what lavender marriage is and what are the key signs that indicate someone around you who might be in love. Let’s get started. 

What is a Lavender Marriage?

First things first: what is a Lavender marriage? The expression “Lavender marriage” explains a union of a man with a woman primarily intended to keep the sexual orientation of either or both partners hidden. The concept has been revolving around since ages, many marriages have been going on in our society as a cover for individuals, especially during the era when homosexuality completely illegal or was stigmatized. All of these marriages were symbols of normalcy and support many individuals in avoiding social ostracism or in some cases, professional consequences.

Now the society is evolving and is accepting different sexual orientations yet Lavender marriages exist. Now these may not be that required today as they were earlier still in some social setups/ countries, this kind of arrangement is being picked up by individuals because of social and professional pressure. Individuals are opting for this type of arrangement to stay in a normal environment or just to be part of the society. 

So now you know what Lavender marriage is, now let’s look at the common signs of Lavender marriage to help you understand people around you.

10 Signs of a Lavender Marriage

Here are some very common signs of a Lavender Marriage that you must know, only then you’ll be able to spot these in people around you:

1. There’s Lack of Physical Intimacy 

One of the most important signs of a Lavender marriage is the couple lacks physical bonding and it’s very much visible between partners. Although every marriage facts its ebbs and flows when it comes with physical intimacy still a prolonged absence of intimacy can be spotted instantly and is definitely a red flag. Lack of sexual interest in a Lavender marriage is essentially due to the sexual orientation of the partners, one of them or both which can be seen not aligning with their spouse.

2. The Couple Live In Separate Bedrooms or Have Different Living Arrangements 

Partners in a Lavender marriage can often be seen using separate bedrooms in the same house while some might be living in different apartments altogether. This separation between the couple is significant that they have taken practical decisions for maintaining privacy while giving space to live to each other. Partners within different sexual orientations can live their true lives discreetly this way.

3. They Fake Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) With No Real Connection 

Many couples in a Lavender marriage feel the need to emphasize on PDA’s only in an attempt to hide their sexual orientation. Due to which they sometimes overcompensate with multiple public displays of affection. You can say this is their way to convince others that they have an authentic relationship. However, many of these gestures look forced because they lack the warmth and connection which is ideally expected in any genuinely affectionate couple.

4. They Have Unexplained Long Absences 

You can spot one of the partners in a Lavender Marriage to be taking frequent long trips or prefers not to appear in public without a proper explanation. This can be spotted as a sign of a Lavender marriage. Frequent absences means they are mostly likely engaging in partnerships where they can be true about their sexual orientation.Now this might not be completely true but can be spotted as their reason for long absences. 

5. Friends’ and Family’s Are Mostly Involved in Personal Matters 

In many Lavender marriages, family members and friends can be seen highly involved in the personal matters of the partners which ideally should not happen. This includes helping to act as alibis or maintaining the façade as a cover up for the actions of the partner. When family members or close friends play an unusually significant role in any relationship, it could be taken as they are in support of the arrangement. Involvement of loved ones can be taken as a sign of a Lavender marriage. 

6. There Is Clear Understanding Between Partners 

Lavender marriages are a result of mutual agreement of the couple itself. Both partners are aware and are in acceptance of each other’s sexual orientation. Their marriage is a result of a clear understanding of what it entails. These couples often discuss the terms of their arrangement clearly, including everything about their private lives and how they will handle public appearances. 

7. There’s High Level of Independence 

Couples in a Lavender marriage live very independent lives despite appearing together publicly at times. They may have different interests, might be involved in separate social circles and activities. Independence of this kind supports each partner to live their lives on their terms and continue with their own personal relationships discreetly.

8. They Have A History of Short-Lived Relationships 

Both or one of the partners might be involved in short-lived relationships previously before even  entering the Lavender marriage. Such brief relationships often indicate that they have been struggling to maintain normal traditional partnerships and this could be primarily due to their true sexual orientation.

9. Professional Or Social Factors Have Forced Them   

A common motivator for getting into a Lavender marriage could be professional or social pressure. For example, people in cultural backgrounds or various industries may face intense pressure to appear heterosexual. A Lavender marriage is a great cover up in such cases and can help them get ahead in their careers. It can help them to maintain their social standing as well. 

10. Open or Hidden Relationships with Same-Sex Partners 

One of the clearest signs of a Lavender marriage is when the partners are closer to same-sex partners, they prefer maintaining a relationship with them secretly or sometimes openly. All such relationships are a result of their need to fulfill sexual as well as emotional needs, which their Lavender marriage cannot.

So, Lavender marriages are multifaceted and have complex arrangements between the partners which are kind of forced on them by the society. This has been going on for years and the sad part is it still continues despite social acceptance today on many levels. Yet some societies, even countries, look down on people with different sexualities. While the reasons for entering a lavender marriage vary, the signs are visible openly.

Knowing the concept of Lavender marriage shall help you to appreciate the lengths to which many people have to sacrifice their lives due to the high societal pressures. The need for hiding their personal truths should not be forced on anyone, yet many individuals have to forcibly enter into Lavander marital arrangements so they can appear hetrosexual and gain acceptance of people around them. 

Although such marriages are less common these days because some parts of the world are accepting different sexualities, they still exist, reminding us of the ongoing challenges for acceptance and authenticity.

I request that while spotting these signs, be kind and approach the people with understanding and empathy. Everyone’s struggling in different ways, and Lavender marriages are an option for people who have sought to balance societal expectations with personal realities.